« Cow » : différence entre les versions

From Liberpédia
Aucun résumé des modifications
Aucun résumé des modifications
Line 1: Line 1:
Politics explained with cows.
Politics explained with cows.


*ALTERNATIVE- CULTURE Wow, dude, there's like... these
*ALTERNATIVE- CULTURE Wow, dude, there's like... these two cows man. You got to have some of this milk.
two cows man. You got to have some of this milk.
*ANARCHO-INDIVIDUALISM: You have two cows. The cows decide you have no right to do anything with their milk and leave to form their own society.
*ANARCHO-INDIVIDUALISM: You have two cows. The cows decide
you have no right to do anything with their milk and leave to form their
own society.
*'''ANARCHO-CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.'''
*'''ANARCHO-CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.'''
*ANARCHO-COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Either you sell
*ANARCHO-COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.
the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill
*ANARCHO-SYNDICALISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors riot and kill you for trying to sell the milk.
you.
*ANARCHO-CHRISTIANISM: You have two cows. God takes care of them and gives you the milk.
*ANARCHO-SYNDICALISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors
*ANOMIE: You have two cows. Your neighbor hits you over the head with a brick, steals your cows, then shoots them for fun. You later discover that he is a Nazi.
riot and kill you for trying to sell the milk.
*ANOMIE:You have two cows. your neighbor on your left takes one cow, and the one on the right takes the other; while your backyard neighbor takes the milk, the bucket and the stool.
*ANARCHO-CHRISTIANISM: You have two cows. God takes care
*ARISTOCRATISM: You have two cows. You sell both and buy one really big cow - with a pedigree.
of them and gives you the milk.
*ARTIST -- VISUAL: You have two cows. You stuff them and put them in glass display boxes. In London.
*ANOMIE: You have two cows. Your neighbor hits you over
*BRITISH: You have two cows. They are crazy. You try to sell them in Europe.
the head with a brick, steals your cows, then shoots them for fun. You
*BRITISH: You have two cows. One has BSE. You get a vet to give the other one the all clear, and then declare there is no problem from BSE in your country.
later discover that he is a Nazi.
*ANOMIE:You have two cows. your neighbor on your left
takes one cow, and the one on the right takes the other; while your backyard
neighbor takes the milk, the bucket and the stool.
*ARISTOCRATISM: You have two cows. You sell both and buy
one really big cow - with a pedigree.
*ARTIST -- VISUAL: You have two cows. You stuff them and
put them in glass display boxes. In London.
*BRITISH: You have two cows. They are crazy. You try to
sell them in Europe.
*BRITISH: You have two cows. One has BSE. You get a vet
to give the other one the all clear, and then declare there is no problem
from BSE in your country.
*BRITISH: You have two cows. Both are mad.
*BRITISH: You have two cows. Both are mad.
*BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government
*BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays
*BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. To register them, you fill in 17 forms in triplicate and don't have time to milk them.
you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and
*BUREAUCRACY -- EUROPEAN UNION: You have two cows. The EU loses one cow, milks the other and then spills the milk.
pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting
*BUREAUCRACY -- UNITED STATES: You have two cows. The government takes both, loses one while moving it to a farm in Puerto Rico and forgets to milk the other.
for the missing cows.
*CANADIANISM: You have two cows. The bank takes both of them, shoots one, throws away the milk and you shoot yourself.
*BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. To register them, you
*CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You take care of them and sell the extra milk.
fill in 17 forms in triplicate and don't have time to milk them.
*CAPITALISM -- AMERICAN: You have two cows. You sell one of them, and buy a bull. The cow and bull have a great love life; you sell the movie rights to Hollywood. Then you go into real estate. Then the government declares war to the cows and kills all of them.
*BUREAUCRACY -- EUROPEAN UNION: You have two cows. The
*CAPITALISM - AMERICAN: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows. Soon you have more cows then you know what to do with. You put half the cows in a trust fund for under-priviledged children and then buy most of Arizona and irrigate all of the deserts. Life is good. Then the governments suspects your cows of being high, and kills all of them.
EU loses one cow, milks the other and then spills the milk.
*CAPITALISM - ENRON:You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.Wall Street analysts rate you a strong buy. The public buys your bull.
*BUREAUCRACY -- UNITED STATES: You have two cows. The
*CAPITALISM - BRAZIL: You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.
government takes both, loses one while moving it to a farm in Puerto Rico
*CAPITALISM -- HONG KONG You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt / equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the feng shui is bad.
and forgets to milk the other.
*CAPITALISM - SWEDISH: You have two cows. You bought them from IKEA and assembled them yourself (it was cheaper). The Volvo cows last a lot longer but don't look as trendy.
*CANADIANISM: You have two cows. The bank takes both of
*CAPITALISM - JAPANESE: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Almost all graduated in the top 10 percent of their class.You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.
them, shoots one, throws away the milk and you shoot yourself.
*CAPITALISM - SWISS: You have 5000 cows, none of which belongs to you. You charge for storing them for others. If they give milk, you tell no one.
*CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You take care of them
*CAPITALISM - WALL STREET: You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the 2 cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts that you have reduced your expenses. Your stock goes up.
and sell the extra milk.
*CAPITALISM - WALL STREET: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows to increase your share price on the stock market. You get Anderson to audit your business. You loose your business and you loose your cows.
*CAPITALISM -- AMERICAN: You have two cows. You sell one
*CAPITALISM -- INTERVENTIONIST: You have two cows. you sell one and buy a bull; you then sell all the excess milk to the government who in turn ships it to fascist and communist governments.
of them, and buy a bull. The cow and bull have a great love life; you sell
*CAPITALISM -- INDUSTRIAL: You have two cows. You sell one, force the other to produce the milk of four cows and then act surprised when it drops dead.
the movie rights to Hollywood. Then you go into real estate.
*CAPITALISM - DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous. Barbara Streisand sings for you.
*CAPITALISM - AMERICAN: You have two cows. You sell one,
*CAPITALISM - REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?
buy a bull, and build a herd of cows. Soon you have more cows then you
*CAPITALISM - POOR: You don't have any cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy cows, because you don't have any cows to put up as collateral.
know what to do with. You put half the cows in a trust fund for under-priviledged
*CAPITALISM - RICH: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
children and then buy most of Arizona and irrigate all of the deserts.
*CENTRALISM: You have two cows. And a problem finding them in the middle of the field with 100,000,000 other cows.
Life is good.
*CONSERVATIVISM: You have two cows. You freeze the milk and embalm the cows.
*CAPITALISM - ENRON:You have two cows. You sell three
*CONSERVATIVISM: You have two cows. You lock them up, and charge people to look at them.
of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened
*COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both of them and gives you part of the milk.
by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with
an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a
tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred
via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority
shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed
company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option
on one more. Sell one cow to buy new president of the United States, leaving
you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.Wall Street
analysts rate you a strong buy. The public buys your bull.
*CAPITALISM - BRAZIL: You have two cows. You enter into
a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and
the American corporation declares bankruptcy.
*CAPITALISM -- HONG KONG You have two cows. You sell three
of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened
by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt / equity swap with
associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax
deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred
via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned
by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows' milk
back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns
eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows
because the feng shui is bad.
*CAPITALISM - SWEDISH: You have two cows. You bought them
from IKEA and assembled them yourself (it was cheaper). The Volvo cows
last a lot longer but don't look as trendy.
*CAPITALISM - JAPANESE: You have two cows. You redesign
them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty
times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Almost
all graduated in the top 10 percent of their class.You then create clever
cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.
*CAPITALISM - SWISS: You have 5000 cows, none of which
belongs to you. You charge for storing them for others. If they give milk,
you tell no one.
*CAPITALISM - WALL STREET: You have two cows. You sell
one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force
the 2 cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one
cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts that you have
reduced your expenses. Your stock goes up.
*CAPITALISM - WALL STREET: You have two cows. You sell
one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows to increase your
share price on the stock market. You get Anderson to audit your business.
You loose your business and you loose your cows.
*CAPITALISM -- INTERVENTIONIST: You have two cows. you
sell one and buy a bull; you then sell all the excess milk to the government
who in turn ships it to fascist and communist governments.
*CAPITALISM -- INDUSTRIAL: You have two cows. You sell
one, force the other to produce the milk of four cows and then act surprised
when it drops dead.
*CAPITALISM - DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor
has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office
who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax.
The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give
it to your neighbor. You feel righteous. Barbara Streisand sings for you.
*CAPITALISM - REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor
has none. So?
*CAPITALISM - POOR: You don't have any cows. The bank
will not lend you money to buy cows, because you don't have any cows to
put up as collateral.
*CAPITALISM - RICH: You have two cows. You sell one and
buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them
and retire on the income.
*CENTRALISM: You have two cows. And a problem finding
them in the middle of the field with 100,000,000 other cows.
*CONSERVATIVISM: You have two cows. You freeze the milk
and embalm the cows.
*CONSERVATIVISM: You have two cows. You lock them up,
and charge people to look at them.
*COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both
of them and gives you part of the milk.
*COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both
cows. The government sells the milk in government stores. You can't afford
the milk. You wither away.
*COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The state takes both, and
gives you a little milk ... once.
*COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both
and gives you spoiled milk.
*COMMUNISM - CAMBODIAN: You have two cows. The government
takes both and shoots you.
*COMMUNISM - CAMBODIAN: You have two cows. The government
sends a teenager in a red bandana to shoot them, then he shoots you.
*COMMUNISM - MODERN CHINESE: You don't have any cows.
The government sets up a joint venture with McDonald's.
*COMMUNISM - CHINESE: You have two cows. You have 300
people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity,
and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
*COMMUNISM - CHINESE: You have two cows. You take care
of them. The government takes all the milk, but you are encouraged to steal
some of it back (before someone else does).
*COMMUNISM - MAO: You have two pigs. The government launches
a campaign to convince you to donate them "voluntarily" to provide meat
for workers in the city. The government then declares that people don't
need pigs to make pork. Quoting the correct phrases from your little red
book, you and your neighbors try to create pork from sheer willpower. Your
local party leader reports that you have exceeded all expectations. Your
neighbors starve.
*COMMUNISM -- MAO: You have two bulls. Several people
are killed while attempting to milk them.
*COMMUNISM -- CASTRO: Fidel Castro has two cows. They
are F1's, a cross between the Cebu cow and the Holstein cow. Only one cow,
"White Udder," works. When she dies she is stuffed and placed in a museum
by Castro, "The Dictator of the Cows," where "future generations could
admire her magnificent udders." You have not seen cow milk since 1985.
*COMMUNISM -- CUBAN: You have two cows. Fidel tells you
some undercover CIA agents have infected all of the cows in your region
with a foreign disease that kills the cows. You and your family become
malnourished. It begins to occur to you that Fidel doesn't know what he
is talking about.
*COMMUNISM -- CUBAN: You no longer have any cows. They
sailed to Miami. You still have no milk - but you do have Fidel.
*COMMUNISM -- "PURE": You have two cows. Your neighbors
help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
*COMMUNISM -- "PURE": You have two cows. Your neighbors
help you take care of them, and you all share the milk. Well, maybe the
local bully gets more, or a few neighbors band together to kill you so
that there is more milk for everyone else.
*COMMUNISM - IDEALIZED: You have two cows. The government
takes them both and provides you with milk.
*COMMUNISM -- RUSSIAN: You have two cows. You have to
take care of them, but the government takes all the milk. Then the government
sends you to prison.
*COMMUNISM - RUSSIAN: You have two cows. You have to take
care of them, but the government takes all the milk. You steal back as
much milk as you can and sell it on the black market.
*COMMUNISM - RUSSIAN: You have two cows. You count them
and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them
again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have
12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. You produce
your 10th, 5-year plan in the last 3 months. The Mafia shows up and takes
over however many cows you really have.
*COMMUNISM - RUSSIAN:You have two cows. You count them
and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42
cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
*You stop counting cows, open another bottle of vodka,
and instead decide to focus on how many apples you are holding in your
hands.
*COMMUNISM - REALITY: You share two cows with your neighbors.
You and your neighbors bicker about who has the most "ability" and who
has the most "need". Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk, and
the cows drop dead of starvation.
*COMMUNISM - BUREAUCRATIC: You have two cows. The government
seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get
it. It is expensive and sour.
*COMMUNISM - STALIN: You have two cows. You are shot as
a counter-revolutionary. The cows are put in the Gulag.The milk? What milk?
Who are you, and why are you asking about milk, Comrade?
*COMMUNISM - LENIN: You have two cows. You are shot as
a counter-revolutionary. The cows are also shot as counter- revolutionary.
The Proletariat gets the milk, but refuses to drink such petit bourgeois
liquids.
*COOPERATION: You have two cows. The government taxes
you to the point that you have to sell both. Your tax is used to support
a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was originally one
of yours, a free gift from your government.
*CHRISTIAN-DEMOCRATISM: You have two cows. You keep one
and give one to your neighbor. Then you covet it.
*DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who
gets the milk.
*DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. A vote is held, and the
cows win.
*DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. They outvote you 2-1 to
ban all meat and dairy products. You go bankrupt.
*DEMOCRACY -- AMERICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbors
pick someone to tell you who gets the milk and then blame Japan while border
guards beat up Mexicans sneaking into the country. People are outraged
for a week or so and then go back to televised sports where there's no
violence.
*DEMOCRACY -- AMERICAN (a republic): You have two cows.
The government exercises those powers delegated to it by the people, who
are sovereign. The majority does not rule because the people and their
representatives (elected, appointed and employed) are constrained by various
checks and balances, including the Constitution, the Bill of Rights, the
three co-equal branches of government, and the 50 state republics (see,
e.g., Article IV, section 4). So what the government does with your cows
and with the milk from those cows depends on the interaction between the
people and the checks and balances mentioned above.
*DEMOCRACY - FLORIDA: You have a black cow and a brown
cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who like
the brown one best vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some
people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best looking
one.
*DEMOCRACY - AMERICAN: The government promises to give
you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the President is impeached
for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate."
*DEMOCRACY - AUSTRALIAN: You have two cows. The government
nationalizes your herd to control the price of milk and level the playing
field for consumers. Each cow has a calf and they grow into cows. The milkers
union stage an industrial action (strike) to protest the increase in the
number of milk cows. A new party comes to power and the economic rationalists
privatize your herd to control the price of milk and level the playing
field for producers. The government orders the slaughter of two cows to
cut production and control the price of milk.You throw a huge beef barbie
(barbecue), with XXXX (how Australians spell beer), invite the milkers
union, and give a speech espousing the merits of a level playing field.
You still have two cows.
*DEMOCRACY -- BRITISH: You have two cows. You feed them
sheep's brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.
*DEMOCRACY -- REPRESENTATIVE: You have two cows. Your
neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
*DEMOCRACY - PARLIAMENTARY: You have two cows. Politicians
decide who gets the milk.
*DICTATORSHIP - IDEALIZED: You have two cows. The government
orders you to drink their milk.
*DICTATORSHIP - REALITY: You have two cows. The government
orders you to shoot them.
*EDUCATIONALISM You have two cows. You pay for them to
go to university. They come home as philosophy graduates and want to debate
"The Morality Of Milk In A Cross-Species Society". Giving milk is now beneath
their station in life anyway.
*ENVIRONMENTALISM: You have two cows. The government bans
you from milking or killing them.
*EUROPEAN UNIONISM: You have two goats. The EU declares
them to be fruit in order to conform to a rare Belgian custom of making
Cow Jam (jam being required to have at least 45% fruit).
*EUROPEAN UNIONISM: You have two cows. The EU develops
a quota system that "limits the gas emissions from flatulent cows." You
sell your carbon allotment, not the milk.
*EUGENISM: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so
they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
*FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both,
hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
*FASCISM: You have two cows. You give the milk to the
government and the government sells it.
*FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes one
away and presses it into military service.
*FASCISM - CORPORATE: You have two cows. The State takes
both; their cronies form a corporation, hire you to take care of the cows
and sell you the milk.
*FASCISM: You have two cows. The government seizes both
and
sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.
*FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of
the milk.
*FEUDALISM: Your lord lends you two cows. He takes most
of the milk and leaves you some.
*FAMILISM: You have two cows. You get married and your
partner milks them.
*FEMINISM -- You have two cows, you declare an amazonian
state free of bull oppression and sit around waiting for the cows to hump
each other.
*FEMINISM You have two cows. They get married and adopt
a veal calf.
*FRISBEETARIANISM: You have two cows. One of them flies
up on the roof and gets stuck. You hope the government provides cow ladders.
*INDIA: You have two cows. You worship them.
*ITALIAN: You have two cows but you don't know where they
are. While ambling around looking for the cows, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch. Life is good.
*IDEALISM : You have two cows. You give one to your neighbor.
He then steals your cow and kills you.
*INDUSTRIALISM: You have two cows. You dissect them both
and figure out how to build a milk-factory instead.
*LAWYERISM: You see two cows and note that their milk
has not been labeled "Contains lactose." You find 20 lactose-intolerant
people, start a class action suit against the owner of the cows, the regional
dairy co-operative, the distributor and the retailer. You settle out of
court for £1,000,000. Lactose intolerant milk drinkers get five quid
each. You get the rest. You act surprised when the owner goes berserk and
shoots his cows. You feign astonishment when the dairy co-op, the distributor
and the retailer all go out of business.
*LIBERTARIANISM: Go away. What I do with my cows is none
of your business.
*LIBERTARIANISM: You have two cows. One has actually read
the constitution, believes in it, and has some really good ideas about
government. The cow runs for office, and while most people agree that the
cow is the best candidate, nobody except the other cow votes for her because
they think it would be "throwing their vote away."
*MARXISM-LENINISM: The proletarian cows unite and overthrow
the bourgeoisie cowherds. The egalitarian democratic cow revolutionary
state with the cow party as vanguard disintegrate over time. Marx choked
on a veggie-burger before he could explain what happens to the use-value,
exchange-value and sign-value of bovine leather.
*MEXICO: You think you have two cows, but you don't know
what a cow looks like. You take a nap.
*MILITARIANISM: You have two cows. the government takes
both and drafts you.
*MILITARIANISM: You have two cows. the army orders you
to shoot them so that the enemy can't eat them.
*MONARCHY: You have two cows. You give some milk to the
King/Queen.
*NAZISM: You have two cows. The government takes both
and then shoots you.
*NAZISM: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they
are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk which they
milk themselves, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also
demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
*NIHILISM: You have two cows. You let them do what they
want.
*NEW DEALISM: You have two cows. The government takes
both, shoots one, milks the other, and pours the milk down the sink. The
government insists there is a giant storage tank where all the milk goes.
*PACIFISM: You have two cows. They stampede you.
*PEROTISM: You have two cows. You aren't allowed to sell
the milk to Mexico.
*PERESTROIKA : You have two cows. You have to take care
of them, but the Mafia takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk
as you can and sell it on the "free" market.
*PLATONISM: You have two cows. You look for two other
cows to milk.
*PLATONISM: You have a reflection of two perfect cows.
Their milk tastes like water. You look for two real cows to milk.
*POLITICAL CORRECTNESSISM: You are associated with (the
concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallocentric, warmongering,
intolerant past) two differently aged (but no less valuable to society)
bovines of nonspecified gender. 
*PROTECTIONISM: You have two cows. You can't buy a bull
from another country.
*REALISATIONALISM You have two cows. They are for their
calves, their milk was never meant for human consumption!
*REDISTRIBUTIONISM: You have two cows. Everyone should
have the same amount of cow. The government takes both cows, cuts them
up, and spends more than the cows are worth giving everyone a little piece
of cow.
*SOCIAL-DEMOCRATISM: You have two cows. You sell both
to the rich. The government then taxes the rich one cow and gives it to
the poor.
*SOCIAL-DEMOCRATISM: You have two cows. You give away
one cow and get the government to give you a new cow. Then you give them
both away.
*SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes one
of them and gives it to your neighbor.
*SOCIALISM -- BUREAUCRATIC: You have two cows. The government
takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are
cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens
the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you
as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you should need.
*SOCIALISM -- PURE: You have two cows. The government
takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have
to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as
you need.
*SOCIALISM - COOPERATIVE: You have two cows. The government
takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell
him how to manage his.
*SOCIALISM - FRENCH: You have two cows. You go on strike
because you want three cows.
*SOCRATIC METHODISM: How many cows do I have? Why?
*SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires
you to take harmonica lessons.
*SURREALISM: You have two aardvarks. The government paints
one green and requires you to take harmonica lessons.
*TALIBANISM: You have two cows. At first, the government
makes them wear burkas, but later shoots them because "they are Hindu religious
symbols."
*TALIBANISM: Nobody has anything. The government shoots
you in the soccer stadium.
*TALIBANISM: You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which
is two. You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private
parts. At night when no one is looking, you milk both of them. Then you
kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the hospital.
*TOTATITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes
them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
*THEOCRACY - IDEALIZED: You have two cows. You get all
the milk. You love God, He loves you.
*THEOCRACY - REALITY: You have two cows. The priest takes
all your milk to offer it to God and drinks it.
*UNITED NATIONISM: You have two cows. France vetoes you
from milking them. The United States and Britain veto the cows from milking
you. New Zealand abstains.
*UTOPIANISM -- You have two cows. Mother Nature zaps the
cows, turning their udders into eternal milk-shake dispensers.

Revision as of 18 February 2006 à 08:29

Politics explained with cows.

  • ALTERNATIVE- CULTURE Wow, dude, there's like... these two cows man. You got to have some of this milk.
  • ANARCHO-INDIVIDUALISM: You have two cows. The cows decide you have no right to do anything with their milk and leave to form their own society.
  • ANARCHO-CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
  • ANARCHO-COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.
  • ANARCHO-SYNDICALISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors riot and kill you for trying to sell the milk.
  • ANARCHO-CHRISTIANISM: You have two cows. God takes care of them and gives you the milk.
  • ANOMIE: You have two cows. Your neighbor hits you over the head with a brick, steals your cows, then shoots them for fun. You later discover that he is a Nazi.
  • ANOMIE:You have two cows. your neighbor on your left takes one cow, and the one on the right takes the other; while your backyard neighbor takes the milk, the bucket and the stool.
  • ARISTOCRATISM: You have two cows. You sell both and buy one really big cow - with a pedigree.
  • ARTIST -- VISUAL: You have two cows. You stuff them and put them in glass display boxes. In London.
  • BRITISH: You have two cows. They are crazy. You try to sell them in Europe.
  • BRITISH: You have two cows. One has BSE. You get a vet to give the other one the all clear, and then declare there is no problem from BSE in your country.
  • BRITISH: You have two cows. Both are mad.
  • BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
  • BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. To register them, you fill in 17 forms in triplicate and don't have time to milk them.
  • BUREAUCRACY -- EUROPEAN UNION: You have two cows. The EU loses one cow, milks the other and then spills the milk.
  • BUREAUCRACY -- UNITED STATES: You have two cows. The government takes both, loses one while moving it to a farm in Puerto Rico and forgets to milk the other.
  • CANADIANISM: You have two cows. The bank takes both of them, shoots one, throws away the milk and you shoot yourself.
  • CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You take care of them and sell the extra milk.
  • CAPITALISM -- AMERICAN: You have two cows. You sell one of them, and buy a bull. The cow and bull have a great love life; you sell the movie rights to Hollywood. Then you go into real estate. Then the government declares war to the cows and kills all of them.
  • CAPITALISM - AMERICAN: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows. Soon you have more cows then you know what to do with. You put half the cows in a trust fund for under-priviledged children and then buy most of Arizona and irrigate all of the deserts. Life is good. Then the governments suspects your cows of being high, and kills all of them.
  • CAPITALISM - ENRON:You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.Wall Street analysts rate you a strong buy. The public buys your bull.
  • CAPITALISM - BRAZIL: You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.
  • CAPITALISM -- HONG KONG You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt / equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the feng shui is bad.
  • CAPITALISM - SWEDISH: You have two cows. You bought them from IKEA and assembled them yourself (it was cheaper). The Volvo cows last a lot longer but don't look as trendy.
  • CAPITALISM - JAPANESE: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Almost all graduated in the top 10 percent of their class.You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.
  • CAPITALISM - SWISS: You have 5000 cows, none of which belongs to you. You charge for storing them for others. If they give milk, you tell no one.
  • CAPITALISM - WALL STREET: You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the 2 cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts that you have reduced your expenses. Your stock goes up.
  • CAPITALISM - WALL STREET: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows to increase your share price on the stock market. You get Anderson to audit your business. You loose your business and you loose your cows.
  • CAPITALISM -- INTERVENTIONIST: You have two cows. you sell one and buy a bull; you then sell all the excess milk to the government who in turn ships it to fascist and communist governments.
  • CAPITALISM -- INDUSTRIAL: You have two cows. You sell one, force the other to produce the milk of four cows and then act surprised when it drops dead.
  • CAPITALISM - DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous. Barbara Streisand sings for you.
  • CAPITALISM - REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?
  • CAPITALISM - POOR: You don't have any cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy cows, because you don't have any cows to put up as collateral.
  • CAPITALISM - RICH: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
  • CENTRALISM: You have two cows. And a problem finding them in the middle of the field with 100,000,000 other cows.
  • CONSERVATIVISM: You have two cows. You freeze the milk and embalm the cows.
  • CONSERVATIVISM: You have two cows. You lock them up, and charge people to look at them.
  • COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both of them and gives you part of the milk.
Retrieved from "https://fr.liberpedia.org/fr/index.php?title=Cow&oldid=1602"